Arod's Contract with the Reporters

"Let's make a contract; you don't ask about Derek anymore, and I promise I'll stop lying to you."
-Alex Rodriguez negotiating with reporters, February 19.

I'm sure Cap'n Jetes is thrilled with his teammate's newfound honesty, which will surely make for a pleasant spring training down at Legend's Field. Combined with the MIA musician and part-time designated hitter Bernie Wiliams, the celebratory season-opening DUI arrest of the heir to the Steinbrennerian throne Steve Swindal, Mike Mussina questioning Carl Pavano's manhood, and the frowny-faces being made by Jorge Posada and Mariano Rivera, who are both in the last year of their contracts, the pinstriped circus tent in Florida makes a tardy Manny Ramirez and an as-yet-unlabeled mix of young and old relievers in the Sox pen seem like hardly a problem at all.

This social dysfunction in Yankee camp is quite a departure from the corporate clubhouse we have come to expect from our rivals to the south. Sure, we've never exactly seen great character guys in the Bronx clubhouse, but traditionally they simply coexist and win a bunch of baseball games. In dumping two of their more pronounced clubhouse cancers (Gary Sheffield and Randy Johnson), one would think they'd be a step up this season...and yet it appears anarchy is beginning to take hold.

My greatest fear is this unrest may not be the worst thing for the ballclub. The corporate paycheck-collectors haven't won anything in the post-season in six years, and many pundits point a finger at the lack of collective fire that has buoyed teams like the 2004 Boston Red Sox. The unrest and friction we are seeing now could be slowly molded into a prime unifying and motivating factor as this unquestionably talented team moves forward.

Fortunately, I think Joe Torre hasn't been up for a task of this magnitude in about a decade. I think the problems in the Yanks clubhouse will continue to boil over until Brian Cashman is forced to step in and take the reigns, perhaps swinging a big deal to shake up the clubhouse and improve the chemistry in a fell swoop that will right the ballclub and set them up for another season of October baseball.

On the other hand, maybe Cashman could just make a new contract with ARod to shut the hell up and cobble together some timely at-bats; the third baseman sure seems to be in a negotiating mood.