Blinded By The Daylight

Rant Warning! Rant Warning!

I hated this opening week of Red Sox baseball. And it had nothing to do with the results of the games.

Not that they weren't exciting. You had the festive opening day, despite the fact that the Sox threw up all over themselves like a baby who had consumed a bad can of Gerber's. Then we had Dice K's memorable first game as a member of the Sox. Followed by an impressive but fruitless effort from Tim Wakefield in the series opener at Texas.

So what's the problem?

I DIDN'T GET TO SEE ANY OF IT. You see, I WORK FOR A LIVING! There's this thing called a paycheck and to get one you have to go to a place of employment where you do stuff during the daytime hours and when you are all done, you get to go home and enjoy the game on TV.

Except when it's baseball. And it's April.

MLB must use Nick and Tony's Marketing Firm when it makes decisions on how to promote its sport. "Hey Tony, I have an idea...let's take the biggest, most anticipated day in our sport...Opening Day... get some famous celebrities, deck out the park in red white and blue bunting, paint some fancy logos around the field, get someone well known to throw out the first pitch and sing the national anthem, do a flyover with fighter jets, release the pigeons and balloons and we can stage it on....MONDAY AFTERNOON!" "Great idea, Nick...then we can take the debut of the league's newest and biggest international star, who's been in the news more than Anna Nicole and who's first start has been breathlessly awaited by everyone from Taunton to Tokyo for months and we'll show that one on....THURSDAY AFTERNOON!"

Then they clink bottles of Guiness beer and scream " BRILLIANT!"

I'm telling you this idea could catch on. I hear that NFL commish Roger Goodell is trying to talk the owners into having Peyton and the Colts kick off the football season on the Tuesday afternoon after Labor Day.

I did get to see Josh Beckett turn into a pitcher on Wednesday night when he actually threw curves and off speed stuff instead of simply pounding the fast ball until Tek's hand started to bleed. But that night game must have been an aberration. I think that Wednesday afternoon's must be a big Bowling League day in KC and they didn't want to interrupt that.

I also tried to trick myself for the opener by asking my wife to tape the game so I could watch it when I got home Monday night. Then I spent all day telling the Sox fans in the office NOT TO TELL ME THE SCORE so I could make believe it was live when I watched it.

I should have known I was in trouble on that one as everyone snickered as they passed my office door on the way out late Monday afternoon. Jim the Sales Guy said slyly, "Well it's not over yet." Bad sign. You see, they were aware that Curt had already conducted his official NESN Bowel Movement sponsored by Depends. I on the other hand just covered my ears and mumbled loudly as they passed. I would have to wait several hours to see, not the bloody red sock, but the lumpy brown bottom of Schilling's uniform. At least I was able to fast forward once the wheels came off.

So look. I understand that they have to play the games in the afternoon the first few weeks in April because in many major league cities there is still snow on the ground (or in the stadium in the case of Cleveland), but guys, this is nothing new. Let's not be shocked by this but instead DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

You could decide to start the season two weeks later, but that's never going to happen because then they might have to actually play doubleheaders, remember those?

More realistically, if you insist on on starting in mid winter, then play the games in non weather affected sites for the first two weeks. In the AL, you can use, Toronto, Minnesota, Seattle (domes), Tampa Bay (dome and hot anyway), Texas, Oakland, Los Angeles/Anaheim/Disneyland. Then make a rule that all weekday games have to be played at night.

Give those teams two week homestands while the Sox, Yankmees and the rest of the cold weather teams hit the road. Then all the games can be at night and I can watch them.

So I would like to conclude with a few words about Dice K's great debut. There were a lot more red dots then green dots superimposed on the layout of a baseball diamond on the Gameday screen. Gee he must have pitched great.

Wish I had seen it.